Welcome to the News this evening! We begin the set
with critical lyrical missiles prepped to transmit direct,
through the crown chakra of the world - the Internet
the only free frequency for sound lulz and sharper intellect.
No headlines on this show exposing paedophiles or hoodlums
but corporate crime f***ing our kids' future in the open.
And yes, we will be covering the biggest story to happen:
how we are failing, as a species, to live on this planet.
As our fate looms closer, I'll be your host on the roster
welcome to Juice Rap News, with me Robert Foster;
a report on our planet, our memes and sanity
where we ask, what on Earth is going on with humanity?
Our correspondents have been deployed globally, ready for action
embedded deep in our collective consciousness in its fractures.
First up, representing the militarist faction,
a regular guest direct from the Pentagon, General Baxter.
- That's right, General Baxter, reporting... for duty
- Tell us what's happening; any new wars or news of peace?
- Excuse me for bragging, Bob, but on topics of fear'n'policy,
the perfect choice of expert voice is me, obviously.
I'm overjoyed to report that we've made Peace, with War.
It's been normalised, recognised as a core
of daily reality - War is Peace?
- A truly exemplary way to commence this New American Century!
And to cement the empire this year we're bringing in
a new treaty for peace 'n prosperity in the Pacific Rim: the TPP.
- The Trans-Pacific Partnership, but do the people agree?
- We'll Fast-Track it through Congress while they're deeply asleep.
- Very kind indeed; but now let us search much deeper
with our resident esoteric guruji from the alternative media: Terence Moonseed.
- Truth seekers! Follow the rabbit down the hole; I supply whole packets of red tablets.
Wake up, Neo! This treaty is but a teeny facet
in a massive, drastic oceanic conspiracy to turn the Pacifist
Pacific Ocean into the ancient battle ground of Atlantis.
- How? - First: they cause a giant gyre of plastic;
then a tsunami to smash the Yakuza Fukushima reactors
leaking radioactive wasabi to poison all of tha sushi batches;
then a new Holy Wood movie programs the stupid masses
for the signing into law of these genocidal ruthless tactics!
- He's totally bat-shit. - It's true, you globalist fascist!
If the treaty's legit, why can't we know the facts and pacts in it?
- It is strange that it's being negotiated and handled
behind closed doors away from reporters and cameras.
- But Bob! We learned from the failure of that ACTA
that the people are just too damn attached to
the internet, their rights, privacy, sovereignty and that crap.
meaning that we have to treaty in secrecy, and that's that.
- Speaking of your secrets, have you found Edward Snowden?
- The traitor?! He defected with our data and went and sold them to the Russians!
- The Russians? Right, that's our chance to cross to Moscow, with correspondent Ivan Sakamanev.
- Your thoughts? - Ivan Sakamanev...
In Russia where is Sochi good time for snow sport.
- So, Snowden? - Benevolent Russian State protect
political dissident from regime of USSA
- You damn Commun... er Capitalist! Hand back our spy
- In space-race news: NASA now need our rockets to fly.
And in race to rape planet: Russia get more resource
and not even need... what... two illegal wars?
- There have been protests against drilling the Arctic zone...
- Protests? You mean lost Greenpeace tourists we help get home?
Also, Pussy Riot lost in Siberia, could've died
but Putin rescue them... now they change name: Pussy Quiet
- Moving on to the colonies:
In Australia, where, at this time of year people are solemnly honouring
the ongoing conquest of the continent. Correspondent Ken Oathcarn...
Are you celebrating?!! - Ken Oathcarn!
- Tell us what's going on.
- Solid rock... We're standing on... stolen ground.
The problem now is the ocean, where sharks and boat people abound.
- How are you dealing with them? - Pfft! walk in the park!
We feed the boat people to the sharks; and then, we kill the sharks.
- Is refusing refugees legal? - Mate, is any of this legal?
Our Crime Minister says this is the 'War On Boat People'
- Didn't your ancestors arrive there on boats by sea?
- Australia was empty then; we came on the First Fleet.
- I see. Turning now to tax and finance, with Max Keiser.
- Oh boy, feeding boat people to sharks in Australia?
I know what you're thinking: ....Hell
that sounds a lot like the Central Banks and what their doing to the nation's wealth.
- Right, Stacy? - Er, Robert...
- That's it! they just rob it. - How can we stop it?
- Bypass the Fed's pockets Fight Klepto-currency with Crypto-currency, that's the solution
Behead the banksters with the silver axe revolution!
- Revolution? What's pop-culture got to say: Russell Brand..
- What, Robert, am I a mere celebrity? Am I not a man?
Ain't I got brains? Synonyms, metonyms in my gutter cant
what if I spoke all grandiloquent would you better understand?
And Keiser, Revolution's MY idea. - So you say
but do you have a plan? I do: Bitcoin. Buy today!
- Bitch-coin? I'm the messiah! I got Jesus hair, watch it sway.
- Hey, English lady... wait... is man? ...Is G[CENSORED]??
- These imposters just wanna profit and get laid
I'm the true prophet. Namaste! - Fear is your only God
on the radio... Kneel and PRAY - Buy my DVD today: Revolution!
- Ken Oathcarn - BUY BITCOIN!
- Okay...
For today we'll have to delay these great clashes
which we'll come to cover in subsequent dispatches.
But before we advance to our final stage of analysis together
Here's Sage Francis with the weather
- We've been weathering the storm of local warnings about global warming,
But, what about that beautiful red dawn when you awoke this morning?
We're suffering a cold front from motherfuckers who cold front.
-Is one coat enough? - No, Robert... bundle up.
The cold war is still in effect. It's got a chilling effect on the press.
Dissidents disseminate information which is Dylan-esque.
Cuz a hard rain's gonna fall. It may be frozen,
In a high pressure system of whistleblowers 'til we're snowed in.
- Moving on to Googleview spy cam.
you'll see a fog of war slowly moving from the US to Iran.
In Australia, we're heading for at least three years of lows.
In Yemen we're expecting a high chance of scattered strikes from drones
- Your Sage Forecast to end with tonight?
- The picture looks bleak, Robert, but expanding worldwide
The winds of change are in our range, they're finally in sight.
For Juice Rap News, Sage Francis, good luck and good night.
- And that concludes our views on the news this evening.
So much occurring, but is there a meaning?
What is our story, who's writing it, and where is it leading to?
Seeking true bearings, we seem to turn to "The News".
But take heed, for the medium is the message
and this most viral meme on the planet is now the method
for defining collective reality, each night.
If it's not on "The News" it didn't happen - right?
As history - our story - is played out in day-to-day events,
and journalists are like historians of the present tense,
at this cross-road between ruin and the stars,
can we afford to have News that is blind to who we truly are?
We're no innocent spectators and bystanders
but accomplices and players, in all that happens
And that's The News that's most urgently lacking.
Join us for more Juice, when Rap News is back again...