We're back with Rap News on the open channel
It's that time of year when the wise, heroic captains
of the most powerful states of the globe gather
to plan massive planetary fascist dystopian havoc
The G20. And the host of the pageant this year is Australia.
So we're racing over to chat with a reporter in the area.
Ken, can you report on the action?
- Ken Oathcarn, I'm in Queensland, it's so fantastic:
Shady deals, trade pacts, and any protests that happen
are greeted with tear gas, and baton bashings.
- Protests? - Hold that thought!
We're hoping to chat with the man of the moment,
our noble Prime Minister Tony Abbott.
- Tony! Hi! - Hi
- Hi! Ken Oathcarn live on Channel Mine.
Mind if we ask you a few questions at this time?
- Compliant corporate aligned media, right?
- Yeah, mate! we're on your side - In which case that is fine...
- Are there any wise words you'd like to provide
to our patriotic viewers tonight?
- Ah... yes, Ken, I might.
Cheers to all the cunts who voted me in.
For getting sucked in by Rupert's spin,
so Tony could win
and bring in a government of excuses and ah surprises
My first triumph as leader was to abolish the climate,
Slash Medicare, subsidise mining
And end the age of entitlement for students
...except my kids.
I've stopped the boats and the tide of Muslim immigrants...
- But, your duties under these UN Conventions...
- ...are irrelevant: There's a place for everything, says Jesus, our saviour
but he'd agree the place for brown people is not Australia
- You've been busy with these worthy endeavours,
thanks for making time to speak with us.
- my pleasures
- Now, the big G is about to blow in and Straya's hosting...
what have you done to prepare for this role then?
- I've been ah... raising my international profile,
making headlines in newspapers worldwide
And to ensure my ratings at home I brought us to war
Which caused my approval score to soar even more on these shores
- Straya's earned the honour of hosting the G twenty then
- Thanks to me, we've become a role model of social development
for the rest of the world to follow and imitate
- You've greatly improved our communications of late...
- That's right, we've just legalized the real-time
monitoring of every bloke, sheila and child
every computer, phone and device. The leaders of every civilised
western nation only dream of this erosion of privacy rights
- ...And media
- Yeah, We've just made it illegal to whistleblow
or leak the details of any intel.
So no more WikiLeaks or Eddy Snowden snoopin' in my email.
- And journalists who publish the leaks? - ...will also be jailed.
- Even if it's in the public interest?
- Yep! but the next bit is the best:
to complete the chilling effect
We've even made it a crime for any of you to share, scatter
click, or view any of that data.
Tweet that, you Anonyhomos 'n hackers!
- That's an attack on the basic tenets of press freedom.
I don't get it: How did you manage to pass such extreme measures?
- I can't take all the credit.
I have to thank the pathetic, ball-less Opposition Party,
for voting'em through the Senate.
- And not forgetting all the good Australian folk under anaesthetic
deeply sedated watching 'The Bachelor' on Channel Seven.
- These policies are troubling. Does no one want to stop them?
- Nah. Nobody, mate! We all love'em...
- Who's that?
- Ah... him? Err... Nobody, mate... let's not bother him
- It looks like Scott Ludlam... - G'day.
- God bugger'im. Yes, it's the hippie, I mean 'greenie' senator, Scott Ludlam.
Probably come in to try and stop the fun then? - Ken Oathcarn.
- Why is it in the Senate whenever you speak
The whole room empties, and all the Senators leave?
- A better question is, why is the Senate empty, yet
my words go viral when they arrive on the Internet?
- Uhmmm... - Because peeps online are awake and sentient
feeding their intellect with media that's free, independent.
- But thank God, that's all at last changing
Australia is about to become the first great nation
to pass laws for mandatory data retention
indiscriminately storing our private metadata,
treating us ALL as suspects, and thus finally ensuring...
- ...a fascist fuck-fest of Orwellian proportions.
- Aw c'mon mate, you're not gonna be a negative nerd,
and vote against all of Tony's incredible work...?
- I'll go full Gandalf on this Government's arse
Smack down their laws with a dose of: You Shall Not Pass!
- You and what army? I don't like your chances.
-I can't do it solo; that's why I've issued a blanket
Call out to the internet, to stand up and be counted
The net is our best bet to combat tyrannical tactics
Click here to take action.
- Don't click that link...
- Or you'll be added to the terrorist ASIO blacklist!
- Well, thank you, Prime Minister Abbot
for giving us that candid understanding of your strategies in Australia
the opening of the summit is about to happen,
but before you brandish your diplomatic talents,
I'd just like to say that it seems clear why the world's leaders and powers that be;
From Obama and Putin to Harper and Xi;
are converging on Australia for the G20.
They must be eager to come and learn from the new master...
- that's me!
- Ladies 'n gentlebogans, we're commencing the whole summit
please be upstanding for the new classic
Prime Minister of Straya, Tony Abbott
- First things first, I'm elitist - leetist
- Host this summit let the whole world feel it - G20
- And Australia's open for business,
unless you climate scientists or giving me lessons in Civics - Right right!
- We doing great work, we on track
boot stomp, like we Bringing eighty four back
- My name's Tony
You already know
The leaders all came
From DC to Tokyo
- World Leaders let's do this, let's show that we're ruthless
All here in Brissy, the shakers the movers
Dilma Roussef I do love a Brazilian - oooh
Cristina from Argentina! Tony: minister for women - ah-huh!
- Anyoung, Park Geun Hye; Modi, hi! - hi
Ni hao, Xi, Imma see youse inside - inside
- who got two thumbs and a continent to strip mine...
This guy: The T O N Y - right
- Black Obama, we don't talk bout no climate - nuh uh
- it's time for war! let's bomb ISIS
They be beheading some guys, slice their necks with some knives,
Abdullah, you do dat do dat execution? That's fine! - yep
Vladimir Putin, who invited you in? - who?
I'm gonna shirt front him, the bloody Ruskie hoodlum - get him!
you bet you are, you Will I Am, you bet you is - er...
What, you selling the gas? Come on in then; you win!
Welcome to my crib, Leaders and Tyrants
It's time to talk tax, trade, keeping debt climbing
What?! No, Obama, told you for the last time, mate:
We're not going to talk about the bloody climate!
- His name's Tony
- Wanna buy some coal?
- Remember his name
- start the sho-o-o-o-o-w
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