This is Rap News, adjust your mental tuning.
Hello, fellow children of the industrial revolution.
We've come of age, but our age seems to be running out of steam
...as well as oil, coal, gas, water and old trees.
We face a crisis: in spite of our advancement and science,
the ratio of Energy expended to Energy actually required
is rapidly declining, just as it did for the Romans, Mayans,
and the Easter Islanders, before they crashed and expired.
Has our brief joyride passed its peak on the axis?
And does anyone know how to get off it before it collapses?
With not much time left to get some answers,
we turn to our leading nations. Speaking for America, General Baxter.
- Bob, This is an era of toil; we've reached Peak Oil.
We now need more energy to retrieve oil from the soil
than we receive from the oil we retrieve,
which means more recessions: Prepare for GFC3!
Can we survive this energy crisis? - Why yes!
Yes, we Ameri-Can! Obama is wise and far-sighted
and he's about to ratify this futuristic device
- A pipe... - Yes!
The KeystoneXL Pipeline, to be precise; which
will move more crude from Mordor, er the Tar Sands,
to Isengard, streaming under large tracts of aquifers and farmlands
- Is that safe? - It's fine!
it's only leaked twelve times so far, man; we just pay the fines!
Right... But how does this solve the peak oil crisis you described?
- Uh... err... JOBS, Bob; think of the JOBS it will provide.
And we'll never depend on foreign oil in the future
...You don't want us to have to go to war again do ya?!
- Oh, yeah, you Americans love the war.
- Ah, here's the next powerful nation to show us the course
China's Minister for Energy, Wai So Dim
- Ni Hao, Robert! - Thanks for beaming in. How's Beijing?
- yeah pretty great! As you can see, fresh clean air [cough] to breathe in
everyone healthy [cough cough] - life amazing.----
But, Co[ugh]fucious say: whole world need to quit coal now
- Profound! And how do you plan to bring that about?
- By burning up all the coal that's left!
We call it 'One Coal Policy' --- it total success---
So unlike the US, we never need go to war - Wanna bet?
What about Tibet? - We do hear calls to 'Free Tibet'?
- Correct, for China Tibet WAS Free
yeah, so important part of our Free Energy policy
make Tibet our colony;
lots of copper, oil and possibly best combustible fuel of all:
monks in the monastery
- We've heard the solutions of the super-powers,
what about the super-rich? Have they got some newer answers?
Our next guests, discussing these pressing matters,
are entrepreneurs, Elon Musk and Richard Branson
- Yo, Richard - What's really good, Elon
- Let's flip the script - And show these peons the high-tech shift
- That we be on; we're beyond
- Two debonaire billionaires - Rockin' recon
- Humanity's last best hope for this eon.
And yo, Musk - What up
- I think it's time that you bust
and show the peeps on earth how it's time to adjust
- So check it, Elon Musk, live and direct from Mars
I gave the home planet Solar Panels and Tesla Cars
Electrical - Hmmm!
- Ethical ecological miracle - Yeah!
super - charged - super - design - super - refined - super - billionaire
Fuelin em with lithium - On Fire - killing em
So it's high time we colonise the solar system then
Hey yo, Branson - Sir Richard!
- You ready for action? - Born ready
- Tell the people of Earth your plan then
- Let's get it cracking, we're planning on capturing
asteroids with nanodroids and then dragging them back in
to orbit earth so we can mine the fuck out of them
for cobalt, zinc, gold, platinum - Just suck it outta them
- And make a quick buck out of them - Isn't that dangerous?
what if an asteroid crashed on Earth, because you miscalculated this?
- Unfortunate, but... - By then I'll have my fortress on Mars
- I'll use Virgin Galactic to stay in orbit. - So long suckers!
- Good to know we can count on your resourcefulness, guys.
What other energy sources can we find?
Terence Moonseed, what's your view of this scene?
- The Illuminati are suppressing the truth from the feed
To lock us in and make it impossible to be free
from the colossal fossil fool industry
But I have one word for you, Robert: FREE ENERGY!
this whole fricking system could readily depend
On a blend of Lemurian crystals, alien technology and hemp
But the rotten cotton industry conspired to have hemp condemned
and the government kept UFO tech for weapons instead
And then? - then climate scientists who owe their degrees to industry
invented climate change to make energy fees increase
when all energy should be available only for free.
Global warming is a hoax! - Err... I ah totally agree...
- Speaking of outlandish solutions for the crisis we're having
Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott.
- The Science is OUT: Since I assumed this leader position,
Straya's heard no bad news from the climate commission
- Because you abol... - BECAUSE I ABOLISHED it!
we'll also hear a lot less from the Ah Tarkine Forest and
The reef, renewable energy... - Mining companies?
- What is this the ABC? Don't make me cut your funding.
Hey, in Straya deadly bush fires are part of the deal
- And this fake snow in the US is geo-engineered to kill!
- I don't trust climate scientists - they clearly just shill
- Curious that opposite sides can believe...
- Climate Change is not real!!
- We've heard theorems, challenges and thoughts from
entrepreneurs, free thinkers, and leaders on this forum
yet time's up and we still seem stalled with no way forward.
But wait! We're getting a call on the Juice Channeling Portal!
I'll turn it up... who's trying to confer with us?
- Helio. - Wait... is that... Copernicus?
- Kan you hear me? - For certain, but
What have you got to say on the energy crisis concerning us?
- Vell... I wrote this book it in fifteen-forty-three
In which I proposed the heliocentric theory
- Yes, we know... the sun at the centre... - and the earth moves around it.
- Revolutionary... - But zee fools in my day refused to see.
- Well, it took centuries, but now we do accept it
- Nie, I see you noobs still not quite get it.
which is why I, Copernicus, have returned to state this
- State what? - You are still living in the Dark Ages
But the second heliocentric revolution is nigh.
To discern your place in the cosmos you once shifted your minds
You must do that again, when you think of energy source:
the sun, not the earth is at the centre of the universe.
- Of course, just as earth revolves around the sun in a cycle
so must human life? - And it must happen at once: It's vital.
It's your only hope of survival. - The signal's dying!
- I must go now! Other planets need reminding.
- Thank you, Copernicus, for returning with such force to provide us
this urgent advice during this awesome crisis
And to our guests, those invited and all who surprised us.
Now a final thought before we end these tidings.
Many of our problems do require resource findings,
scientific advances, new tools and devices
But this crisis requires a realignment of paradigm which
has to happen, not in a lab but in our own minds...
The second heliocentric revolution has already begun.
Will we have time to effect this great shift vis-a-vis the sun?
Or will we shun our star's light and fall into darkness?
Join us next month as we search for more answers.